Dating while morbidly obese


This is probably going to sound harsh forgive me but why would I want to be in a relationship where I'll be the caretaker for the rest of my life when I can be in a relationship with someone who doesn't need their fat lifted up to be washed, and can leave the house? If they know they're obese and killing themselves why get involved in the relationship if they don't care if they die? Some of them know they shouldn't be eating greasy food at their weight yet continue to ask for more.

I was watching an episode on TLC about this Caribbean women whose daughters was still feeding her bad food to her despite everyone knowing her situation. Original post by Legendary Quest That's awful. It could just be pity. How did she get stuck in the toilet? Was it because she couldn't stand up or was her fat stuck in the toilet hole? That must have been embarrassing.. Just imagine doing your thing in the toilet then loads of people have to help you get up.. How do they wipe?

Original post by SophieSmall Not sure what you mean by against it? I obviously don't think obesity is healthy, but then again neither is smoking or binge drinking. Neither of which are shamed as much as being fat. What I disagree with is this silly media narrative of being "healthy at every size" and if you're obese you're still healthy Basically I think everyone can do whatever the heck they like. But if they start chatting nonsense, I'll call them out on it. Original post by 0to what? I tried in the past, it failed for many reasons but this might have been one of them.

I became overweight during a period of depression in so I can empathise, but 6 months later the weight was gone. It's not the easiest thing in the world but it can be done if you have any willpower at all.

Original post by 0to No, even though I'm not sure why you'd assume that? Are you saying those people can't find love at their weight? It was some series on Discovery Home and Health lol and several episodes they had met as I said above in like chatrooms at that weight, or had chubby chasers,etc. Original post by Legendary Quest Online dating. Pretty the person meant that you should focus more on the personality than outer appearance. As in, you fall in love with them , not their appearance. I'm obese, I gained a lot of weight due to steroids for my medical condition.

It's soul destroying at times because I'm not greedy, lazy or anything like that. My friends who eat much more than me stay skinny. The amount of weight I gained looks especially bad because I'm only 5'3 tall. I accept that I will find it very difficult to find someone I personally find attractive while expecting them to find me attractive.

I'm disgusted with how I look, no matter how much my friends and doctors tell me that it's not my fault I feel like a monster. People who don't know me will always assume I am greedy, no self control and don't care about how I look. It angers me that I am shallow enough myself to say I wouldn't date someone who is morbidly obese. Original post by 0to Lol yea I agree, and Idk if it was you or someone else but there was this thread about Wouldn't only date a slim girl, not even slightly chubby. Original post by Profesh No.

Oops, nobody has posted in the last few hours. So maybe she's been busy -- it happens. Maybe she's being coy doubt it. Maybe she's not into texting or has an older phone that makes texting difficult. Dial her number and say to her or leave this as a message: I'd like to take you out on a date, to [place or activity] on [date about 3 days away from today, no later than this-coming weekend].

I can pick you up at [time]. Uh, I did send replies to her - I sent a further two messages to her over the last 5 days. It has been 5 days since the last contact from her. It sounds like maybe your followup texts were more connected with the first date than the second date. Once you've both said "hey that was great, let's get together again sometime Did you firm up those tentative plans? How about X thing Friday? We could meet at Y for happy hour first. This is old-school dating where you met in person and started to get to know each other in person.

Go ahead and invite her on a second date.


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No more text messaging. Pick up the phone and ask her out to dinner. Or whatever else you'd like to do as a second-date activity. I know she sounded interested, but the time elapsed make it seems to me like she's not interested in anything romantic going forward. You had two great dates, which means there are other dates out there to have.

I'm very sure there are many beautiful, fascinating, smart women who feel equally broken by similar circumstances and are struggling in exactly the same ways. You can go to places where people who are trying to lose weight go gyms, hiking or biking clubs, etc.? I know they are out there, as I know several women like that who are friends.

You are well on your way. On preview, yes, call her before you do anything else. Resolve this one way or the other. She obviously likes you, it might not be obvious to her that you also like her, you might think it's obvious because she's an attractive lady and everyone likes those and you're part of everyone. Most women do not think that way about themselves. Time to get in touch and organize another date. Also it's worth noting that by the sounds of things you're turning you life around and you're becoming a better proposition as time goes on, if you ever feel worried remind yourself that she clearly likes you enough to see the current you so the future you will obviously rock her world.

I think that you are not socially broken, as evidenced by pretty much everything else you wrote, your self-confidence is improving writing that paragraph above takes strength and bravery and your body is healing. So I just wanted to mention that you seem like you're doing really well and whether it's this woman or some other woman I think you have a happy future and a lot to be proud of.

So quite apart from this woman, re: I know OKCupid is a Mefi cliche, but there's a reason for that.

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Could you date someone who is morbidly obese?

And it's free, so no messages trying to get you to resubscribe! Also, have you considered picking up any active hobbies -- maybe hiking, a kickball league, or something like that? You don't mention if you're exercising, but if not, that could be a huge help for your mood and health. For most people, it won't help much with weight loss, but you could be one of the lucky few it does help.

And even if it doesn't help with weight loss, it'll be a huge help with how you feel in your body, and your overall health. If you are exercising, but on your own, finding somewhere where you can do something fun and active with other people could be both motivating and a good way to meet people. And on preview, yay! Congrats on your second date! I would still like feedback on being big and dating though, if anyone has any more advice, Thanks.

dating while morbidly obese

You know what you did when this lovely woman and you saw each other and connected and decided to go out on a date? Seriously, though online dating can work out well, and other specific activities can lead to relationships, generally, the best thing to do is, when confronted with a fabulous person you'd like to date, ask that person out. For big guys, I think in-person works better, because it's easy to judge people based on your perceptions of what you find attractive via photo, but those perceptions can be broken more easily in-person.

You said this woman hasn't dated a big guy before, but she's certainly into you 3 dates and going strong, it seems , so I think just doing some social things you enjoy where there may be some women who enjoy the same things is the perfect way to go. Ok, speaking as a woman, I just have one feedback item: Everyone even this fabulous woman that you have a date with tomorrow night! Insecurities about things that are obvious, and doubly so for things that are not obvious to anyone except themselves.

There's no need to bring them up. For example, her thoughts might very well have been: Just a peck on the cheek, then.

And he'll see the comfy undies. I told that old, stupid joke. Now he'll think I'm a freak. Can I even hold my end of this conversation? Raccoon eyes from crap mascara. Really the list goes on and on -- women are particularly good at this. There are entire industries built around feeding and feeding into women's knack for this.

And yet, what did you see? She's a gorgeous woman who flirts with you. But wouldn't it have been awkward and terrible if she shared all those insecurities with you? At this point you should ignore the obvious topic of your size. She's lucky to be with someone thoughtful and interested in their health enough to make serious changes so just keep doing what you've done thus far: I'm so psyched for you that you met someone rad and you're going on a second date. I just want to gently so gently! Have you ever read about the common cognitive distortions?

They're really easy to slip into, especially when you're starting to date someone new and you struggle with low self-esteem.

So, if something goes awry with this new lady friend, just try not to jump to conclusions or be hard on yourself. The reason I say all this is because it sounds like you really want to keep moving forward with improving your health through diet and exercise and it'd be great if you could keep that positive momentum going regardless of what happens with this particular lady.

Seriously, way to effing go for changing things up and working to pull your life back together after your divorce. That takes courage and you deserve to be happy! Obviously I found both of them very attractive. One of the things I really liked about the heavier guy was how small and feminine I felt when I was with him. I think you should stop thinking of your weight as a huge disaster.

And also, everyone thinks they have crappy social skills. Being yourself is great but very non-specific advice. Ask questions, answer them, talk about things you are interested in, share an experience. Don't try and create an impression of something you're not but it's a fine line - you should also not tell fart jokes, for instance. I guarantee you are not as bad at this as you think. Please stop worrying and have a lovely second third? I would actually feel much more comfortable about future prospects if an obese guy somehow addressed the issue of his weight, even on the first date.

It doesn't have to be a serious talk, but I think some positive remark about a desire to get more active and eat healthier etc. But definitely don't bog down the conversation with your insecurities make it positive, talk about your fun plans in exercise and food. No matter what happens with this woman, you should take this whole experience as a positive.

You met someone you were attracted to, she was attracted enough to your personality and physicality to give it a shot. On your worst day this will all seem unthinkable to you, and you'll pick it all apart and see it through the most negative possible light -- but the truth is, what you want is attainable, in a shorter term than you thought possible.

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Don't let anxiety over that send you careening back in the other direction, away from people and away from yourself. As for the sex thing, you are psyching yourself out big-time. Take it really slow with whomever. Resolve not to put yourself in a sex situation until you've tested things out. Like, if you make out with someone and become aroused, that's excellent! Maybe stop things there for that night and then pick it up later on. This will help build your confidence and trust in your ability to perform. I just wanted to chime in as someone who, previous to my current SO and so far the love of my life, I had also "never been out with a big guy before".

He's bigger than all my previous partners had been, and I remember thinking as much when we met as friends , and I'm sure it crossed my mind when we dated too, although I don't remember thinking it. On a slight side note, he has actually lost weight since we've been together because I am quite a healthy person and he now does more exercise and eats better food because we do so together. On a side side note, his size means he gives the best cuddles. I mean, the best. Even my girlfriends say his cuddles are the best cuddles.

Hell their boyfriends say his cuddles are the best cuddles. Cuddles are like opera, it's a lot harder to do it well if you're skinny. Following the deluge of "Just call her you idiot" sentiment - I got some cojones and did just that And, now we're going out tomorrow night. I have nothing to add to the largely fantastic advice you're getting, except to say that this line was such a happy moment that I said "ah-HAAA!

So you win the day. When it comes to sex, I've had sex with people who didn't get porn star 5-second granite erections. It's not a big deal as long as you don't make it all about the erection. Ask her what she likes, do it, it's not all about the penis. If it's an ongoing problem see a doctor about it if you can. Good luck, you sound like a catch. I don't mean to discount how stressful it must be not to get an erection, and how frustrating--but that doesn't mean you can't have a fun time and that she can't enjoy herself. Keep it lighthearted, communicate, enjoy the time with an attractive woman.

I can almost guarantee she'll feel good about it and want to do it all again if you do that. Men's stress about their erections can sometimes be more difficult than the lack of erection itself, because the time then becomes about reassuring them which is basically work. It's much less fun than just having some playful sexual fun sans erection.

The weight is just an excuse. My BMI is perfect and I'm apparently invisible to women. Your social skills, attitude and what you are doing with your life are more important. Just chiming in to say a I, personally, am turned off when overweight people talk about their weight loss regime. I say this as an overweight person.

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