Dating an ex con

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I never saw myself as dating someone who has been in jail at this point in my life. What should I do? I told a friend that I was answering this question here today and she asked, is this really what we have come to as women? We are a judgment-free zone. If this is something our readers need to know, we are here to help.

No one looks down at their smiling baby girl and hopes that one day she will grow up and date a felon. With these factors, if you count African American men as your dating pool then there are strong odds that your great man could be on the unfortunate side of these troubling statistics. However, the majority of black men are not criminals. It seems ridiculous to have to state this but I wanted to be clear. As we know , these numbers can be attributed to any number of soci-economic factors including the fact that African Americans are treated differently by the legal system for the same crimes and behaviors.

Here are 7 factors to consider about whether to date someone with a criminal record. You deserve to have someone in your life who makes your life better, not worse. Did your potential boyfriend jaywalk and then talk back to a police officer, earning him a night in the jail? These are two drastically different situations, each revealing different character traits. Find out exactly what the crime was before rushing to judgment. Why would you subject yourself or your family to this kind of stress?

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Remember, rule number one is always that you deserve to be happy and in a healthy relationship. Everyone has character blemishes. Is the crime indicative of who they are now or who they were? Prison rarely rehabilitates anyone. My siblings and father do not even know. I just can't tell them. I mean I can but I'm afraid. You have my condolences, OP. First and foremost, don't confront him about this alone. You don't know what he'll do.

Second, you need to get justice for your mother. She deserves that - so do you. Even if this was an accident, he got to live his life scot-free while your mom did not; not to mention what he did to you and your father. Did he seek you out? I wonder if he knew who you were and this was his plan to atone for what happened.

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If I were you I would seek a mental health doctor asap, they will help you with other resources too. This would literally make me not sleep at all. You certainly can't go about this alone. I hope you will be okay yourself. It's quite possible that he did seek you out, for one reason or another.

It would have been quite important to know how he reacted when you somehow told him that it was your mother. Now you can't know that because you don't know what you said. I most likely would leave him.

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Cuz I know no matter how much I love this person, there is no way I would ever married him, knowing he was the one who killed my own mother. I'd absolutely leave him. Sure, it's not that he meant to kill OP's mom, but I could not be with someone that had been responsible for my mothers death, accident or not. I could still care for them, maybe even love them. But not be with them in the long haul. OP, you obviously cared a great deal for this man and he you. I'm sorry to hear of your loss and how painful life must have been for you. Since this is a delicate situation, I urge that you do not act rashly.

If you need an unbiased opinion, go to a counselor and explain your story as honestly as possible without specifics. You mention that you've been afraid of talking to him. Has he given any indication of violence? If you wish to skip the professional help and confront him, pay attention to his behavior beforehand. Or does he have more sinister intentions? Picking up on these cues will help you avoid potential trouble. This makes me feel terrible, both for you and for him.. He must have known, or at least assumed, that it was your mother due to the last names, and he clearly feels bad and I can't even imagine what emotions you must feel right now..

But he needs comfort too. I'm not saying that you need to be the person to give it to him, but if you feel like you might ever forgive him for doing this, then you should call him right now. Think of the good times you have had with him and make the decision. If you decide to leave him and move on, find someone to talk to about this to get it off your chest because it must be terrible: After reading some of the other comments and putting some things from the story together, I too believe that he sought you out.

You mentioned that he was practically begging you to go on a date with him. Maybe he has no true feelings for you and just wants to make up for what he did..

Dating an Ex Convict

I feel like that's what I would do, and thinking about how he might just be treating you nicely to make up for what he did makes me angry. I'm sorry for your loss.

Welcome to Reddit,

I am amazed you didn't hurt him or scream or something, although I suppose my own reaction would probably be shaking and crying uncontrollably while trying not to vomit. Wow that's honestly so hard to believe it was him! Hope you're okay and I feel like you should say something but of course it's your decision. Dammit OP that's a very difficult situation you're in. My condolences to you and you family.


If you do want to talk to Dale before this I suggest not going alone. Good luck with whatever you decide. I am so sorry. But I really think you need to tell your father and siblings, and probably stay away from Dale. You guys should also report this to the police; you, your mother, and the rest of your family deserve peace.

It may have been an accident but he was drunk when it happened and fled the scene of the crime. Good communication is one of the biggest pillars of a strong relationship.

I would think that before running for the hills, it is only fair to communicate with the person and get to the bottom of the issue. I would want to know if this was the first time they were in trouble with the law and if not, what else it is that saw them jailed. I think it is important to understand that hard as it is to believe; people actually do change. A human being is capable of making a complete degree turn for better, the same way someone that you thought you knew can turn a complete degree for a complete monster.

It is also important to understand the background of the issue and the persons involved.

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There is a reason why someone may die in a fight and in one court it is called murder and in another, manslaughter. There are many reasons why a person may get in trouble with the law. However, after someone has served their sentence, there is no reason why they should not get back to a normal life, free of judgement, scrutiny.

There is a need to be fair just in the case it was sheer bad luck and a person was unjustly convicted. But for a guilty con, I would not risk my life like that. The first chapter of Psalms in the Bible warns us against standing in the way of sinners or sitting in the seat of the scornful. We can love anybody but we need to love ourselves more. If he was bold enough to defy the laws that govern the country, then what makes me special?

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